Getting Organized!

I saw a show on one of those news magazine programs, like 20/20 or Dateline, about a woman who couldn’t throw anything away. She had a couple of children and even they thought she’d gone too far. I was shocked that the woman would let a camera crew into her house. I wouldn’t have. But there they were, taking pictures of stacks of newspapers, books, fast food containers, pizza cartons, clothes and so on. The moderator picked up an empty hamburger container and said to her, "Lets just throw this one thing away." The woman seemed to consider this—then she shook her head and said, "No, I might be able to use it." I felt sorry for her—because I understood. I am a "selective" pack rat. I have no trouble throwing away junk mail unopened or fast food containers, but I do have a problem with books and clothes. I’ve been working on it, but it is so hard. Plus, my lover often looks into the trash and pulls out holey underwear or an old t-shirt to use for cleaning rags, and I have to throw things away twice, when it was hard enough the first time. This is how my old underpants end up hanging on the deck for God and everyone to see, drying off after washing her truck. But I’m off the topic.

Let’s see, I’ll be the first to admit I’m unorganized. I’ve studied the topic (in books). But the thing about books to help you get organized, that the people who write them don’t seem to understand, is that most of us who need to get organized don’t have time to read the books, or if we do, we can’t find them.

One thing that has worked for me is to be careful what I bring in to the house. Again, this isn’t easy. I have some magazines I can pitch as soon as I’ve read them, but many more that I think I’ll get back to and read one or two more articles. I can’t count the number of books I have. But I’ve found that just getting rid of obsolete/out of date books and magazines helped. I don’t really need the phonebook from 1993 anymore—but I didn’t realize this until I read it somewhere.

I have read that all clothes that don’t fit should go. But I have the problem of being one size (not always the same size) in the summer and another in the winter, or two weeks later. When I see closets on TV or in magazines, I am always shocked that there is reasonable space between the hangers. Joan Crawford would have a stroke over my closet. Every week when I hang up my laundry, I have to shove with all my might to get the stuff back in there. I have outfits that I’ve never worn, probably never will wear (some even have the tags still on them), but like the lady with the hamburger wrapper, I think I might wear them someday.

Anyway, this is how girlfriend and I got the idea for the garage sale. We decided to get rid of a bunch of stuff. So we started sorting. As a result we now have all this stuff pulled out and in stacks. I can’t seem to stop her from bringing home boxes from work and stacking them in the front hall (the place is usually a fire trap before I mention to her that maybe she should bring them in, take them out, or stop bringing them home). She hasn’t stopped bringing them home yet.

When my sons left home it was a bittersweet experience for me. I’d passed another stage in my life. I felt entrenched in this middle-age-empty-nest thing. Then I looked around me and realized that I had room to spread out. And that’s where the "garage sale" stuff is now, in what we still call "Phil’s room." We have been putting off the sale because we really aren’t organized enough to have a sale. Last year we had the same "garage sale" idea and ended up donating the stuff to GLAD for their fundraising garage sale. I’d be happy if someone else had a fundraiser to contribute to, because I can give stuff to a good cause. But throw it away? No way.

I guess you are wondering why someone with such pathetic skills is writing a column about "getting organized." Well, I do have one good solution. It works for me every time. Have company. Throw a party. Believe me you will, at least, get the clutter packed away and maybe even thrown away. It’s the only thing that works for me.

Martha Miller is the author of Skin to Skin: Erotic Lesbian Love Stories and Nine Nights on the Windy Tree: a Mystery, both published by New Victoria Press. Her third book Dispatch to Death: a Mystery will be out later this year.